There are many reasons to despair of humanity. Selfies are definitely one of them.
They seem so innocent – a quick snap yourself on a good hair day, or when out with your friends. Perfectly harmless, right? Wrong.
They’re deeply sinister and are ruining society as we know it, with dire consequences for humanity and others around us.
Don’t believe us? Well here’s the mounting evidence that selfies are destroying humanity and frankly everyone’s day.
1) They can be deadly
Mumbai ordered a selfie ban earlier this year and declared 16 no-selfie zones in the city because they’ve become so dangerous.
India has become the site of 19 out of 49 total selfie deaths across the world since 2014.
That number may be due to the country’s sheer size (1.25 billion citizens and it’s one of the world’s fastest-growing smartphone markets), but still.
2) Seriously…more dangerous than sharks
Last year, it was found that selfies caused more deaths than sharks. In September 2015, 12 people had died while taking a picture of themselves, while only eight eight people had died from shark attacks.
Other things that had killed less people in that time were volcanoes, the police (unless you live in the US – which is different story) and marijuana.
3) Partly due to us taking them in dangerous or inappropriate places
It would be impossible to say whether selfies cause people to take more risks – or if it’s the other way round. But there’s a certainly a correlation between the two.
From putting their children on a busy railway line, to teenagers taking selfies on top of skyscrapers.
It might seem like a cool idea at the time, but think of all the ways it could go wrong…
4) Animals aren’t safe from them
You know when they say ‘we can’t have nice things’? When selfies and animals are put into an equation, somehow this phrase becomes poignantly true.
Not always of course – we all loved the cat who could take his own snaps. Frankly his selfie game is the one to beat.
The lengths that some people go to for the perfect photo can be disturbing. Like when a tourist grabbed a swan and dragged it up the beach by its wing, only to reportedly leave it there after taking a picture with it on the beach.
5) Though we now know they weren’t responsible for the death of that dolphin
There was a sense of collective horror across the world when it appeared a rare Franciscan dolphin had died thanks to our need to take selfies.
A collective sigh of relief when we learned that tourists hadn’t killed it by yanking it out of the sea to take photos with it – it was already dead.
Not that taking selfies with a dead dolphin is very respectful either. If at all.
6) They can be seriously misleading
And set silly standards of beauty that we frankly don’t need more of.
It’s so easy to edit them to make yourself skinnier, have bigger boobs or muscles. And filters, let’s not forget filters.
There’s even a movement on the internet to reveal the reality behind those flawless Instagram pics, with this Kansas-based stylist revealing what really happens with her snaps.
‘I think it’s important to note that lighting, angles, facial expression, and make-up make a huge difference in photography and presentation (especially in my case!),’ she wrote in a Facebook post.
As if we didn’t have enough trust issues already.
7) And for some reason, they might become how you pay for things
Soon enough, selfies are going to be worth more than a few likes and followers on Instagram.
MasterCard is set to start accepting your snaps as an alternative to password ID verification.
They’re trialling it in the US and the Netherlands, but it’s coming here soon.
That can’t end well.
8) They ruin professional and parental relationships
Maybe it makes some sad comment about us that we’re so focused on how we look in a photo that we forget about what’s behind us.
People just have a talent of accidentally revealing embarrassing things about themselves through the medium of selfies.
Or featuring not just one, but two dildos.
Selfies – ruining parents’ innocent view of their children everywhere.
9) And romantic relationships
We don’t know what this guy was thinking when he posed for this selfie. But bet you never thought it could backfire quite like this.
22-year-old Pippa McKinney shared a kiss with a mystery man in Manchester, and was so smitten that she posted an appeal to find him on Facebook.
Little did she know that it would firstly go viral, and secondly that he had a girlfriend who would contact her.
The guy was left very red-faced.
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