The world has plenty of ways to
bring you down. Don't add your own.
1. Apologizing For Being Sorry
I know you think you're being
polite and sparing people some sort of discomfort, but sometimes there's simply
nothing for which you must apologize; or, worse, the apology only calls
attention to a crime so slight no one would have noticed otherwise. It's not
really courteous. It's actually kind of irritating, and, I'm sorry, but if
you're one of those over-apologizers, you just really need to stop.
2. Sloth-Inducing Sneakers
For a while I was running. A little
bit, then a little more, then actually a respectable distance, a few mornings a
week. Then I stopped. I wasn't sure why I stopped, and I didn't investigate the
question for hidden meaning. But after complaining to a marathoner friend about
how running had made my feet hurt, she said, "You know, you probably just
need better shoes." Turns out, if you're under 80 years old and 15 minutes
of glorified speed-walking makes your arches ache, all you need to do is buy a
pair of well-fitted sneakers. Who knew? Actually, everyone. Of all the many
excuses not to get into shape (I can think of so many, including: bad weather,
not having the time, the existence of pie), the wrong equipment is a
particularly lame and self-defeating one.
3. You Don't Know How To Answer The
Question, "If I Were To Give You Any Job In The World, What Would You Want
To Do?"
It's corny but it's also true that
this catchy musical number is essentially the best career advice ever given by
people in swimsuits. Right? How else are you gonna make a dream come true?
4. Using The Beige (When You're A
Warm Beige)
We would never suggest that
something so superficial as makeup, or the lack thereof, might hold some secret
power over your fate. But we all know that when you're more comfortable in your
skin, you feel better in general, more you. The thing that makes those makeover
shows so fascinating is the moment when the subjects see how much better they
can feel: "That foundation in the wrong tint was making me look
older!" "That dark lip liner did look unnatural!" Ask that
tell-it-like-it-is friend -- you know you have one -- to tell you like it is.
5. Doing An Exceptional 75 Percent
You've dutifully
discovered your strengths. You've, wonderfully, found a job that
caters 75 percent to said strengths. As for your weaknesses, well, psshh,
someone else can surely deal with that 25 percent of your job. Dealing with
invoices can go to a numbers-minded intern, right? Communicating with the
overseas office, where they perversely insist on email while you do so much
better on the phone? Someone else will surely pick up your slack, n'est-ce
pas? And then eventually you'd be promoted to the next-up position, which
would 100 percent cater to your strengths. The problem is, people actually
notice and, without realizing it, you're getting a reputation for being a
75-percenter. And let's face it, who wants to promote a 75-percenter?
6. Hate-Watching "The
Bachelor"
One thing I have gleaned from
Twitter is that many people watch a program on Monday nights called "The
Bachelor," which is apparently populated by characters that inspire no
small degree of frustration. Unless you actually enjoy feeling that
frustration, may I suggest, dear watchers, choosing a show that creates a
feeling of happiness rather than disdain?
7. Shrugging More Than Speaking
Unless you are 13 years old,
shrugging is not an answer. Do you want to go to the happy hour with all your
coworkers or not? Did you really think the latest Superman movie was a little
boring or not? How short do you want the hairdresser to cut your bangs? You
have an opinion on these things. You have a right to that opinion. Stand up
straight, make eye contact and respond in a grown-up sentence. And for the
record, “sure” is just a texted shrug.
8. Forgetting To Take A Coffee
Break
Burnout is, for many of us,
practically our resting state. But if you're staring at the screen, trying to
get those last (million) things done before you stop even though your brain is
fried, consider the old-fashioned concept of taking a break. We mean the kind
of break where you actually stand up and move away from the computer, walk
around, or go to the gym, or take a -- gasp -- nap. Coming to work when you're
sick, staying past dinner, blinking exhaustedly at the spreadsheet for more
hours than anyone -- these things don't impress your coworkers and boss as much
as doing the best work possible. Which you can't do if you're totally burnt
out.
9. Making Shy Eyes At Singles Mixers
Here's what's almost enough:
Getting yourself to the NPR-sponsored speed-dating mixer thing that is full of
smart, good-looking, like-minded, creative singles; wearing the most perfectly
flattering outfit of all time; having just enough house chardonnay to feel
relaxed but not lugubrious. But if you don't actually talk to the man in the
corduroy blazer who is clearly meant to be the father of your children? Well,
that's the difference between almost enough and the house with the white picket
fence you and that guy buy together.
No comments:
Post a Comment