In the midst of unsubstantiated reports and endless
speculation, here are excerpts from the R&B singer's interview. In it,
Brown discusses life behind bars, his growth as a person and whether society is
ready to let him be considered a role model. On Sept. 4, Chris reached out to
Billboard with this exclusive statement about trying to move past his troubles
-- even as they nip at his heels.
"I realize that what I do for a living opens my life to
public scrutiny and that I have a responsibility to everyone because of that
exposure. I can say that I am only human and I have made mistakes. I can say
that I try to live my life in the most true, honest way that I can. I am not perfect, no one is. No one is harder on me than
me. No one can please everyone. No one can live in the past and expect to grow.
I have been moving forward and hope that I am not defined by just a few moments
in my life but all of the moments that will make up my life."
- Did you spend time writing while you were in jail?
No. You know, jail isn’t a place of
many creative spirits. But as far as my creativity, I put it on hold until I
got out. Jail is more of a regimen and a structure. I’m more of a free spirit
when it comes to creating music, painting and art. So when I got out, I was
very excited to get into the studio. I didn’t have any ideas or concepts; they
usually come as I go [in to record]. I was drawing and sketching most of the
time, biding time.
- What was the daily routine like?
A guard wakes you up; you eat. You
stay in your cell most of the time, basically 24 hours a day. Maybe on Mondays
you go to the roof inside of a cage and have a phone call. It’s isolation. You
have time to focus on what matters, on what to do and what not to do
- What lessons did you learn from the experience?
My maturity level has risen as far
as my realizing what’s important. Realizing that I’m human like everyone else.
At the end of the day, it’s just a humbling experience. You’re more
appreciative of everything else that’s on the outside. A burger tastes 1,000
times better when you’re out (Laughs.) I’m just more appreciative of the things
I’m blessed with and the things I do: music, being able to take care of my
family, being able to see my friends and family. And do what I love and still
be able to do it in a timely fashion to where people don’t think, “Oh well, he
fell off.” Still being able to be consistent.
- What did you miss the most?
I just missed my family. At the end
of the day, music is definitely a passion. But when you’re dealing with your
own personal issues, family is first. I just dealt with that. I missed my dad
and mom, all my cousins ... seeing people’s faces and smiles ... seeing people
who were just encouraging and positive.
- How did you keep yourself motivated?
[I had to feel] like this happened
for a reason. There was a purpose. Maybe I was out of control too much. Or I
needed something to humble me to the point where I get it. At that point, I
didn’t look at it as trying to get out of the situation but learn from it.
- How have you been able to maintain such a loyal fan base?
First, I’d say God. Honestly. My
faith in knowing what my purpose is and how I’m trying to find out what my
purpose is. My fan base speaks volumes [to that]. I never want to say that I
know everything or I know what the best song or a hit is. I just put it out there
for people to like and love. I make music for myself personally, but I also try
to do music that people can relate to, have fun with; evoke as much emotion as
possible from my audience and peers. It’s God and just consistency with my
talent. Being able to persevere if I get knocked down and always get back up. A
lot of times, you can get convoluted and confused with all the mayhem and
hoopla that’s going on. I just try to stay grounded; keep my family first. And
always focus on what my purpose is: putting out great music. I don’t really
focus on any extras or stories in the tabloids. It’s nonsense.
- You’ve moved forward, and Rihanna says she also has moved -forward. Do you see a day when your relationship won’t be brought up at all?
When we’re not relevant anymore,
that might be the case. As long as you’re doing something good, people will
always bring up old stuff or negative stuff because they don’t want you to
surpass a certain level or elevate. But as long as you have your head on
straight, it shouldn’t matter what people want to say.
- Explain what it’s like to live in the public eye.
I just have to realize it comes with
the territory in this day and age of social media. My age group and younger
stay on the phone and Internet. It’s easy access. So I just like to focus on
what I’m doing instead of getting caught up. Everybody gets caught up watching
Instagram or whatever; they have jokes and all kinds of things. I can still
engage in it but not participate in the negative side. Not everyone in the
world is going to particularly love me. But I’m cool with that. As long as I
love myself and my music, I’m fine. People are going to say what they want to
say. I don’t look over my shoulder or wish I could turn back the hands of time.
Life is a learning experience, so I’m learning as I go. I’m not walking around
angry about anything. So you just have to let it be.
- Do you consider yourself a role model?
As far as my mistakes in life,
that’s being a role model, because people can see my mistakes and learn from
them. I’ve gone through more stuff than most 35- or 40-year-olds, and I’ve
dealt with it. As far as becoming a man in the public eye, continuing to
persevere and stay positive throughout trials and tribulations … that’s the
only thing I’d say contributes to my being a role model. If kids look up to me,
that’s amazing; great. As far as me as an artist and a person, I always want to
exude positivity. But as far as saying, “Hey, I’m a role model, I’m the best of
this,” I take the humble approach and let people make that decision for themselves.
- How would you define redemption?
Being able to learn from mistakes
and inspiring people to learn from yours. Redemption is being able to be completely
humble and love yourself. Know that you’re human and understand that life has
its ups and downs, but God always balances it out.
- If you couldn’t make music or dance, what would you do instead?
I would be somewhere in the
industry, but not necessarily around music. It would be more like fashion
design, or I’d probably be a painter or street artist. I’m eclectic, with
different styles of creativity. But painting is one of my biggest passions. I
just started getting back into it since I’ve been so focused on music. It’s not
like, “OK, I’ve got to do an art show so people buy my paintings.”
- Do you feel positive about the outcome of the Washington, D.C., assault hearing?
I just feel positive about life in
general. Whatever happens will happen, and God has me. I’m going to keep my
faith and be focused on my family, friends, fans and music. And from there just
be the best Chris Brown I can be.
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