We know it happens everyday. People tell lies (white lies, bid
lies, lies by omission, etc…) for a bunch of reasons. Most often, they’re
doing it as a way to protect themselves but there are a few times when they do
it to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings. Well, so they say. I’m not
here to preach on the morality of lying. The ethical nature of lying is not
subject of my post today, but rather how you should lie once you’ve decided
that you’re going to lay your personal morals and ethics by the wayside and
just go ahead and lie anyway.
So how do you lie and get away with it? Well, there are no guarantees
that you’ll succeed in your deceit, but I do have some pointers on ways you can
be a “better” liar so that people don’t suspect you. I’m pretty good at
spotting a liar, mainly because I have a great memory and I pay attention to
people. So by recounting the many mistakes that bad liars have made, I’ll help
all of you out there with some tips so that those who decide that they want to
indeed become a liar can be good at it.
1. OWN YOUR DECISION TO LIE
Once you’ve made the decision to lie, make peace with it.
For some people, namely sociopaths, lying is like breathing. It just comes
naturally. But for others, it’s a real struggle. Good lying means you’ve moved
past your morals or faith filter and justified to yourself that telling the lie
is necessary for whatever reason. A poor liar struggles with his or her own
conscience, so if you want to lie successfully you need to reach a place where
you feel the reason for the lie is justified in your own mind. But keep
this in mind: Don’t lie so much that you actually become a chronic liar.
2. CONSIDER GETTING CAUGHT
Before launching into your lie, ask yourself what the chances are of
being caught or called out. Only you can answer that question, in which case
you’ll have to consider the worthiness of lying about the matter. Things to
consider include:
- Have I lied about this particular subject or lied to this person
before and gotten caught? If you have, it takes some foolish reasoning to
tell the same lie again…especially if you’ve been caught. If you’ve lied
to someone before and he/she caught you, they’re not likely to believe you
again this time either.
- Were there witnesses? If you were doing dirt with someone you
shouldn’t have been with, someone probably SAW you.
- Do you feel confident creating events that didn’t happen in order to
make a whole new story? Some people can’t tell a story worth a damn.
- What are the likely repercussions if you get caught? Is the person
likely to be forgiving or to feel totally betrayed and toss hot grits on you?
Is it a tiny lie the person can get over or is it something that goes to the
heart of trust in your relationship? Remember: once trust is gone, it is hard
to get it back.
3. GET YOUR STORY STRAIGHT
Once you’ve made the decision to lie, you will need to come up with your
own plausible alternative to the facts. This means you need to figure out what
you’re going to say and what kinds of questions are likely to be asked so that
you have the answers to those questions already sorted out in your head. Women
are great at this. Know why? Two big reasons: (1) we think of one thing
that’s actually true so it’ll fit into the rest of our lies and (2) we keep it
simple. See, when we think of that one thing, it fits seamlessly and we
can use it if we’re questioned since we already know those specific details.
The simplicity of it all…well, that’s just smart. We already have our details,
don’t get too “deep” with it and then we’re done. Women make it seem like
what’s being said is the truth and you’re forced to believe it. Men on the
other hand? They simply can’t handle it. They lie as they’re going along and
usually forget something they’ve said and it just falls apart. I’m not
condoning what we may or may not do as women; I’m just saying if we do
lie, we’re good at it.
4. USE YOUR IMAGINATION
Envision the lie. In your mind, play back the lie as it “actually
happened.” This will create the event in your mind like you’re watching a
movie, so you’ll be “remembering” it when you begin to retell it to others. In
a way, you are convincing yourself that the lie is actually reality, so when
you retell it, it begins to sound as if you’re telling the truth.
5. DON’T BEHAVE LIKE A LIAR
Liars tend to stutter or fidget and rarely do they make
eye contact. They appear shifty. In a normal conversation your eyes will move
and you will look away to think, but otherwise you will maintain eye contact.
In all likelihood, there will always be some subtleties that a good liar
spotter will notice, but if you act like it’s all good, you might get away with
it.
6. LIE BEFORE YOU’RE CONFRONTED
It’s better to lie to the person in advance than to have the person
question you first on the subject. If the person you’re lying to discovers your
dirty deed before you explain yourself, they’ll have time to figure out what
happened with a fair degree of certainty before they even question you, making
it much harder to convince them that you’re innocent. Nine times out of ten, if
I get a chance to ask you what you did, I already knew the answer before I
asked you.
7. THROW THEM OFF
If you sense that someone suspects you of lying, make a truthful
admission about something else you’ve done or make them suspect you of
something smaller or something else completely to throw them off your scent.
They will take the bait and think that that is all you were lying about in the
first place. Or if you’re really conniving, you’ll flip it and try to accuse
the other person of lying about something. That’s totally wrong, but the best
way to take suspicion off of yourself is to deflect it to something or someone
else.
8. PLAY DUMB
Coming off as too stupid to lie is a great defensive
strategy. I actually know a few people who I thought weren’t clever enough to
lie and they proved me wrong BIG TIME. Lie as badly as you can about something
small, but never actually admit to doing it. You will be free to lie about much
bigger things and never be suspected in the future. Faking memory loss can go
hand in hand with playing dumb too, but watch out for this one. By simply
saying you don’t remember, it may get you off the hook. But when lying to a
woman, she might go ballistic if you appear overly confused about something you
should clearly remember. Use caution if you take that approach. You might get swung
on.
9. APPEAR INDIFFERENT
Another way to work your way out of an uncomfortable situation is to act
indifferent and avoid responding defensively. Sometimes when people lie, their
voice goes up, so keep your voice steady. Also, don’t protest too much because
people who are defensive appear guilty. Act like you don’t care whether or not
the person believes you. If you’re really good at this, you can even make it
seem like you’re shocked, disappointed or even insulted that they don’t believe
you. Just be willing to be forgiving of them for “not trusting you.”
10. GINKO…AND A GOOD MEMORY
Good liars remember their lies. One of the
real reasons why lying doesn’t pay is because you have to remember the lie,
possibly for the rest of your life. You can’t forget about the lie you told and
any of the details, and you will have to go on treating it like it actually
happened…forever. It’s not worth it. You only have to remember the truth once.
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