If you spend a lot of time on Twitter, you would have bumped
into one of these ten characters. You just have to. They are everywhere!!
The Cool Kids, The Enlightened Ones, Models, Twitter Celebs, Runs Girls, Googlers etc
If a new phone or app is out, they tweet about it first and rant
about it till something else pops up. They go on about how this phone is better
than that phone and how they find Elegushi Beach disgusting and pedestrian.
Cool kids are mean and they never hesitate to insult anyone on Twitter who they
feel isn’t as fab as them. Unfortunately they have a lot of followers because
just like in secondary school everyone wants to be in their cool book.
2) The Enlightened Ones- The enlightened ones are always the first to
retweet a ‘breaking news’ tweet or shed more info on a particular topic whether
you asked for it or not. They are never shy in letting you know they are
brilliant. Some of them might even go as far as instagramming their WAEC
results.
They are the nerds of Twitter and no matter how hot a gadget or
phone is they are quick to let you know its fault. Nothing ever pleases them.
If you have a movie you are dying to watch, don’t go through their tweets, they
will ruin the movie for you with their over-analysis and criticism. They see
‘Avengers’ and ‘Avatar’ as boring flicks. They find a fault in everything and
everyone except themselves. They tweet too much. Most of them are really on a
lot of people’s mute list.
3) Models- Now we are not talking about real models. Real models
exist on Twitter. We are talking about the fake models who put up a picture of
themselves on Instagram and tag it #nofilter plus forty other irrelevant tags.
Throughout the day their timeline is filled with instagrammed pictures of
different pouts and postures.
You don’t want to know what happens when they ‘finally’ take a
picture with a celeb. They won’t stop gushing about it all day. They are at
every event and party. They will post it on all their social networks including
Hi 5. Somehow they never put up a picture of them actually ‘modelling’ or strutting
on the runway. Maybe their type of modelling isn’t mainstream yet. God knows
how they can afford those big bags and expensive phones. Are you
pondering what we are pondering?
4) Twitter Celebs- Twitter celebs are people who basically tweet
crap from morning to night. They generate irrelevant tweets that force you to
respond like “80 percent of female bankers in Nigeria are prostitutes” Therein
lies the trick. Once you respond you are making them popular which undoubtedly
gives them more followers. Then comes the second phase.
These twitter celebs have an ‘epiphany’ on how they can use the
large numbers of followers they have to make money for themselves. They
suddenly morph into artiste managers/PR persons/online hype machines/guidance
and relationship counselors and what have you. They can be quiet drab to follow
unless they get involved in a twit fight.
5) Haters- SMH…haters are the scum of Twitter. They see nothing good
in what people do. They solely exist in taking people down, famous people especially.
If Genevieve has a new car they tweet about her not having a man. When Toolz
conducts a new interview, they make fun about her size. When Sina Rambo drops a
song they abuse him and his father. They are very bitter and insecure people
whose only joy comes from insulting relevant people.
Ironically they haven’t achieved anything. Some of them even beg
for money to pay for their BIS which they would later end up using to insult
people online. How pathetic.
6) Struggle Artistes- OMG. Where do we begin? Twitter undoubtedly
is great tool for networking. It has helped to kick start the careers of many
artistes so far. Unfortunately some many have abused this.
(Struggle) artistes hound you with links to their songs that you honestly
want to sue them for stalking you.
Apart from clogging Twitter with their download links, they gush
about how they are better than established acts and how their next song will be
the smash hit of the year. Somehow it never is. They complain more about the
‘evil’ Nigerian music industry than recording and doing something productive.
7) Googlers- They are like zombies. They don’t have original tweets of
theirs. They go to google and copy corny motivational quotes and
sappy love quotes. Then they go ahead to bore you with these crappy tweets. If
there is a fire inside their house, they will keep tweeting quotes from The
Notebook. Pathetic. They lack imagination.
8) Spammers- A weird lot. They have no avatar and have no bio. Yet
they insist on having awkward conversations with you on Twitter like “what are
you doing?”, “when are you going out?”, “I can see you” etc. They have like 2-3
followers and are weirdly attracted to you for some creepy reason. We think
some of them might be serial killers or actually disturbed people.
9) Stans- Stans as the name implies are over eager fans. They are
the Ms. Ikpeba, Ms. Davido and whatever. They shamelessly throw themselves
at celebs who continue to ignore them. They even go as far as imagining being
married to these celebs. Don’t get it twisted, guys fall into this thirsty
category too.
Whenever their beloved star is in some sort of scandal, they
take on his/her case on Twitter, insulting and even threatening people.
Whenever a new song wants to drop from their mini-god(dess) they will go on
about it for days. They are however very fickle. Once a new star comes up, they
change sides, for example don’t be surprised to find a Ms. Emenike on Twitter.
Search right now and you will be shocked.
10) Runs Girls- Coughs. Guys, don’t act like
you don’t know them. They are not Odina Barbie or Kate 2 Balls or Pussymatch or Africuties- these are
weirdos on Twitter who tweet about their ratchet sex lives. Runs
girls on Twitter have the most colourful names like ‘Ms. Honeyberry Toh Badt
For Life‘. They represent all teams in their bios, #TeamBankyW #TeamWizkid
#TeamDBanj #TeamDonJazzy #TeamUtd #TeamArsenal #TeamFollow #TeamBoobs + #TeamJesus. Runs girls love
Jesus. Well ideally a good runs girl should rep all teams. Wink
They have the best (photo-shopped) avatars which they use to
advertise their ‘goods’ by showing off an ample size of cleavage or ass (or
both!). They also tweet sexually suggestive pictures and write ‘I’m bored’ or
‘who likes the wall behind me?’ or ‘look at my mirror’. Don’t get it twisted
they are seeking for customers attention. Just head straight
to their DM and set the P. Make sure that as a guy your avi is on point and
your bio oozes wealth. If you are a broke ass they will insult you. If you are
sure of yourself set the P. Once the P, has been knacked don’t forget to give
them ‘thanks for coming money’. Remember they are not runs girls, they are just
hustlers.(yeah right).
So you read this, which category do you fall?
Source: TalkMediaNigeria.
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